I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
