Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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