Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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