just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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