I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
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