apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
