rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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