Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
