Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
You left your phone here
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