I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
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