If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
I'm really busy with my period
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