hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Randomize
