GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
