so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
