Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
