How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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