I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
