worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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