My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
