We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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