hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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