3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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