I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Randomize
