Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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