i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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