My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
