So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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