Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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