He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
