i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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