Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Randomize
