I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
