wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
