There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
