So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
