put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
