final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
