I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
