You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Randomize
