You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
