just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
