Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
