I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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