Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
thus making me awesome and them whores
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
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