She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
