i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
