just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
