I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
