please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
