I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
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