I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
