Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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