I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
