I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
