piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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