Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
there is glitter all over my balls
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